You're lovely but you've got problems
Okay, so it's been awhile. I'm sorry. Wait, no I'm not. I've been busy, and to be honest I don't feel like I have very much to say. I've been feeling really out of touch - I don't think I've had a personal piece of mail in a few months aside from a wedding invitation (I don't think that counts), and the little message light on my phone rarely blinks unless it's an urgent message for a Victoria or Veronica Fraser. Who, by the way, doesn't live here. I've been reading blogs from my friends Iain and Ida, both on opposite ends of the globe and they have such interesting things to write that I feel a bit, how shall I say, empty on the news front.
So I'll leave you with a few random thoughts then....
-Summer is here. I have ordered butterflies for my classroom which arrive in two weeks. We have a plethora of field trips and special things coming up. The apple seeds have sprouted. The 'garden' has been planted. The kids are doing well and we are putting on a 'production' of "The Little Red Hen" (remember... "Who will help me bake the bread?" -- "Not I" said the goose....) tomorrow after baking biscuits with our buddies. My classroom feels exciting and happy. I like it there, I just don't venture out of the room when I don't have to....
-I think I'm lonely. It has nothing to do with Ed and everything to do with the feeling that I've now crossed the line from really-far-away-but-we'll-see-you-soon to we-don't-think-you're-ever-coming-back-and-we're-starting-to-forget-about-you with some friends in Ontario. I still get lovely emails and phone calls but it all feels so far away. So, on that note, I'll share with you a feeling I was chatting about with Ida the other day. It turns out we've both had this feeling - like I'll just be driving or walking or something, and all of a sudden I feel a heaviness in my chest and a lump in my throat, I think I might cry and then it passes. Kind of unsettling.
-Saw Death Cab for Cutie and Franz Ferdinand last night, and they were great but unfortunately the sound was crap at the Corral Centre and I couldn't make out any of the lyrics unless I knew them. I also had the above-mentioned feeling during the Death Cab song "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" except for it didn't pass and I ended up sobbing for a few good minutes. Thankfully it was dark up in the nosebleeds. I got a t-shirt with trees on it.
-Going snowboarding Saturday. It's 21 degrees in Calgary and apparently there's still snow at Sunshine. God bless Alberta or something, if Stephen Harper can say it why can't I? I'm just kidding. Also on the news today they played a clip of a liberal leader candidate saying something along the lines of "I don't want to let Harper do to Canada what Mike Harris did to Ontario". Hear hear.
-Sponsor me in the Relay for Life. I have an ambitious goal, $1200. I did around $1100 last year, which was a shock to me but I think I can do it. Come ON! DO IT
-Speaking of sponsoring, I want to pledge CKUA the best radio station I've ever heard I think, they always play songs I own and then lots more. The only thing stopping me is money, and then also the fact that if you pledge them you get to tell them what song to play but I can't decide. I've considered the Weakerthans, MIA, DFA1979, Sarah Harmer, Kate Maki, the Avalanches, Mary Gauthier, Billy Bragg, Joel Plaskett, Peter Katz (but will they have you Peter?), Ben Harper, oh, and the list goes on and on. Every morning and every afternoon I'm in the car I think about which one is most like me. Guess I can't categorize me just like I can't seem to describe music either.
-My sister made it to the Sears Ontario Drama Festival Showcase at Hart House. Whee! I remember that, and it's so good and fun and crazy and drama-y. CONGRATULATIONS AUDREY!!!! Watching the lighting at the concert last night and listening to people going crazy every time the lights changed reminded me of how exciting that can be. I wonder if I'll ever decide to go back to that world. I'd like to, I think. If I can ever pull myself away from the kids. In the meantime I'll have to settle for the kids making costumes out of paper (VERY cute chick beaks and pig noses, I have to say) and me turning the lights on and off at the beginning of the Valley View premiere of "The Little Red Hen". Hm.
Okay, I'm out. Time for ice cream. xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxox.
posted by Vanessa @ 7:49 PM
2 Comments:
Hi Vanessa - you've really said a mouthful about moving, working and growing apart ... ! ... I feel it too, especially since our working lives can leave little time for important people like family and friends, and for creative, spontaneous living. Your grandfather became a gardener and collector to compensate, but work became the biggest part of his life. So if snowboarding today sounds good to you, go girl.
Recreation matters. As for those moments when your throat gets tight and the tears well up, I get those just about every day, just about whenever the bubble of loneliness that seems to surround me breaks for a moment and I feel how connected I really am to other people. It happened in a Kindergarten class just yesterday. I was introducing my student teaacher to the kids, and it occurred to me to ask the kids in the class if they knew any other students. At first nobody had anything to offer, until little Logan put up his hand and said "I'm a student!"
Aren't we all....
lv, d.a.d.
Hey Vans:
I think you summed up so much, and I know that sometimes you feel like you don't have much to write about, I feel like that too... life falls into some pattern and suddenly it's so monotonous.
I've been thinking a lot lately about coming home, and how excited I am to see all my old friends, and I wonder if my old friends will be around. I wonder if I have removed myself so entirely from everything that I've abandoned it.
Still... through the chaos that surrounds me, sometimes I get those feelings of comfort, what I am doing serves a purpose, and I am growing and learning.
I miss you girl... more than I could tell you in words!
-ida
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