The State of My Being

Why hello there. It's been awhile (does every post start like that?). I've joined the gym again and the benefit of that, besides the obvious, is that I find myself staring at some blank spot above my head in the mirror while jogging away or whatever, contemplating my life and what's going on around me, and it's one of the few times I get to do that... It's like an active meditation, if you'll allow me to call it that.

I was sitting in a meeting this afternoon with my principal and she referred to someone she once knew "trying to reclaim her life" and I thought to myself, "Hey, was that me?" and then I wondered if I deserved another year off yet, or if I actually have to work for a few more years to get that, harhar.

Really, I love my job. I was tentative about teaching a different grade, missing those funny things that Kindergarten kids do, wondering if I could manage. Here I am, just over a month in, feeling still a bit wiggly about it all but for the most part thinking I'm doing an alright job. I'm not sure if I'm doing a GREAT job, but there are definitely moments I feel great about. I often wonder if the messages are getting through, if the kids are actually GETTING it. And then these moments sneak up on me, like today. We've been talking all about "Waste in Our World" in science lately, and if you know me at all you know I have turned into a bit of a 4R fanatic (that's the 3Rs and "ReThink" if you didn't know...!) so I'm pretty excited to have an curricular excuse to pass that passion on to the students. Among one of the many things we've been discussing is packaging... So today one of my kids comes up to me with her snack in a reused plastic container and says "Me and my Dad aren't going to use bags for snack anymore, we're going to put them in here now" and I just wanted to hug her all day long for that. So maybe the message is getting through. Maybe they will become better readers, maybe they'll be able to write good stories, and make beautiful art, and stop spitting on each other by the end of the year (hey, at least there's only one student that I know of that I need to accomplish that goal with...), maybe maybe maybe!

It's not worrying, really, but it is occupying. I get carried away, excited about things, trying to do my best for my students, best for me, best for everything, and in the end, I get exhausted. I find myself wanting to take 2 hour naps in the middle of the afternoon. Doesn't quite feel right. Where's that balance I wanted? Where did it go? I had it a few weeks ago, I thought. I want so much for right now, which is maybe my downfall. Great things take time, and I need to be patient, and well-rested!

So I'm looking forward to the Thanksgiving break, and daydreaming about possibly heading over to Vancouver Island and maybe hiding out in the rainforest for awhile. Or finding a surfboard again. We'll see, but it's calming to think about.

In other news, I saw some really great bands last week. Beija Flor played an awesome opening set, then NQ Arbuckle, and then finally Elliott Brood. It was a school night. I shouldn't go to concerts on school nights, but I did, and I'm glad I did; it was a great night for my ears and my brain and my dancing shoes. Good thing my friend Ida was there to remind me to go home before I turned into a pumpkin. So, check out those bands, because you will be glad you did (in my humble opinion).

Love.