Where is my home?
This has been an odd trip. I find myself here, in this city which I loved at one point, still loving it, but feeling kind of lost and disoriented.... Some close friends make the effort to call me back and hang out, some not-so-close friends do the same. And then there are others who I simply haven't connected with yet and to be perfectly honest I find it all kind of depressing. I am sitting in Belinda's apartment on my own for the second morning in a row, wondering how to fill the hours. This doesn't seem right somehow.
Maybe this is a New Year's thing... am I supposed to look at the year that has passed and analyze what it's amounted to, what is to come, where my life is headed? Who knows. Last year was just a series of changes... I moved a number of times, I needed friends, I needed to be alone, I fell in love, I changed school boards and jobs, I bought my first place... and now that things seem to be settling down for a bit, I wonder where I'm supposed to go with this. I don't necessarily feel like Calgary is the place I'll stay for a long time (plus I'm sick of trying to justify being "Albertan" (HA) to my family and friends in Ontario) but for now it is where I am, and I like it. After 5 long dreary grey days in Toronto with sirens screaming and tension in the air as tight as the steel cables that hang from cranes all over the place, I'm looking forward to going back to the sunniest city in Canada where the mountains rise up and the people actually talk to you... I'm not saying it's better, it's just different and right now it fits better. That being said, I always felt my friends were here, in Toronto. I'm not feeling like there's a pressing decision to be made here, but I've been thinking about this for a long time. Where do I belong?
posted by Vanessa @ 9:05 AM
2 Comments:
You belong always in our hearts, no matter where you go or what you decide is best for you. We love you. We always miss you. And we know you'll find the place that YOU can call home as well as the life that fits that place........love Sarah
Vans:
This is what I think, to find where you belong in the world you must first get lost in it. Some how through the spirals toward entropy we all find a sanction. I also think that there are those of us who spend our entire lives unsettled, and if that is the path that is choosen than you must be ok with that decision as well. However arbitrary the concept of "home" may be we all seem to find some form of home, somewhere. I guess now that we're at that age where we're too old to live at home, but too young to have a fullfilled life this is the kinds of delemas we encounter.
I miss you doll! I love you!
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